


Liars

by muirgen_lys



Series: Annulment [1]
Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Child Death, Gen, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Unreliable Narrator, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-27
Updated: 2014-11-27
Packaged: 2018-02-27 04:02:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2678300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/muirgen_lys/pseuds/muirgen_lys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fill for kmeme prompt asking for a view of the annulment through the eyes of a child inside the circle. Needless to say, this is not a happy story.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Liars

**Author's Note:**

> original prompt is here: http://dragonage-kink.livejournal.com/9730.html?thread=39163650#t39163650

The first thing any kid should know is that grown-ups are damn liars. 

I think probably the first grown-ups that lied to me were my parents, but if they did, I don't remember 'cause that was too long ago. The first one I remember is Enchanter Micah telling us that if we talked or made magelights after lights-out that Andraste would know, and tell him. Ria tried it the next night, because she was good at making lights, really really little ones that just lit up enough space to read. Maybe Andraste noticed and maybe she didn't, but she didn't say anything to Enchanter Micah. 

Then there was Aaron. He was just an apprentice, like us, but he was way older – I don't remember exactly how much. He was Jess's big brother, and he said he'd take care of her, because they were family, but then one day he just disappeared, and all any of the other apprentices would say about it was that he was weak. And Jess cried and cried, until Carras started coming down to visit her. He was a mage, not an apprentice, but they let him come down and see her when she was crying, even though they wouldn't let her go to him. I liked Carras, but I think he lied too, 'cause there isn't anything true you can tell someone to make it better when their brother just disappears and no one will say why.

'Course I know why now. He made a deal with a demon, so they had to kill him. But they didn't tell us that then, 'cause we were too little.

The Templars told lies too. Little ones, like “you can't go in there, someone's using it” and then when you peeked your head inside, it was empty. And big ones, like “Mage Terrel moved to another circle.” Like I wouldn't know who it was just because he had that stupid sun on his head. And really big ones like “we're here to protect you.”

The Chantry-man said the same thing. “You should respect the Templars.” I can hear it in my head, in his accent. “They're here for your own protection.” And he sounded really sincere, so I thought when he said it that he was telling the truth, but he was a liar too. 

When it started getting bad in Kirkwall the lies got worse. That's when Enchanter Elony started coming into our rooms at night, to check on us, just in case, and when we asked what was wrong, she said “I just couldn't sleep, that's all,” and we knew she was lying, but she wouldn't admit it. Just walked between the beds, worrying. And then she stopped coming, and we asked the Templars why, and they said she just didn't want to anymore, but Dennis saw her trying to sneak past them, and they made her go back upstairs. She said in one of our lessons with her that she thought something bad was coming, but she wouldn't say what. That part was true but it didn't do us any good

We were eating when we heard the noise. Two of the Templars looked out and started yelling, and Enchanter Elony tried to look out too, but they shoved her back, and then they made us all go to our rooms. They said all the lessons were cancelled, and when Ria and me tried to leave Ser Alren stuck his sword in front of Ria's face, and told her if she wanted to live, she had to go sit on her bed. 

Ser Alren used to pretend to pull my nose off, when I first came to the circle. Then he'd put it back upside down, and I'd have to tell him a joke to get him to turn it right-side-up. He tweaked my braid if I was running too fast, and told me to slow down or I'd break my neck. He said he only used his sword to fight demons. I knew it was a lie about pulling my nose off, but I believed him about the sword, until right then.

Like I said, grown-ups are liars. 

Ria went and sat on her bed, and I went on her bed too, 'cause he hadn't said where I had to sit. She tried to sit by herself like she was okay, but she wasn't okay. She was chewing her hair and squirming around, and when I grabbed her hand to try to make the butterflies in my stomach go away, she squeezed so hard I thought my fingers were going to fall off.

I think I was squeezing back just as hard. I don't really remember. It didn't really help with the butterflies, but I still didn't let go. 

We sat there for ages, and ages, and ages. Ria tried to make a magelight, but Ser Alren yelled at her to stop, and she did right away. Jess started to cry again, and normally I like Jess but right then I wanted to kill her. I cried later when I remembered I'd thought that, because it hurt too much, that I'd thought that and then they did it for me. Only I never really wanted her to die. I just wanted her to be quiet.

Jess set the little kids off, and soon the whole room was all crying, and I had to pull my hand back from Ria so I could stick my fingers in my ears. It didn't work; I could still hear them.

Kassia started praying. She was fourteen, and she had the whole chant memorised. She always played with the little kids, even when they were being annoying. I tried not to yell at her, I really did, but everyone was crying, and I was starting to cry too, and ten years old is too old to be crying, unless you're a crybaby like Jess. That's not speaking ill of the dead, it's just the truth. She was a crybaby. 

Anyway, I got up on Ria's bed and screamed at Kassia, and then Ser Alren screamed at me, and then Ria started screaming at everyone to shut up, and we went back to being quiet. And stupid Kassia went back to her stupid praying, and everyone was still crying, and they kept crying for a long, long time. 

I don't remember everything of what happened next. I remember shouting coming down the halls, and Enchanter Elony came shoving past Ser Alren, and he was so surprised he didn't even stop her. She was crying. I'd never seen her cry before. 

“Please,” she said “please they're so young, they haven't done anything, please - ” and then Alren shoved her, and she shoved Kassia off the bed and started trying to drag the bed over to the door. Ser Alren grabbed her and tried to make her let go, and she smacked him in the face and kept going. After a minute Kassia helped her, and they shoved the bed into Ser Alren' legs, and he fell over. 

I was glad when he fell over because he'd scared Ria. And then I remembered he used to tweak my hair, and I was sorry, but I'm not sorry any more. I hate him. I hate him even though he's dead, and you're not supposed to hate dead people, but he killed Jess, and left her blood all over the mattress. He deserves it. I wish I could kill him.

Enchanter Elony and Kassia had got the bed over to the door, and blocked it off, and Enchanter Elony said to get under the beds. Ria and me got under Ria's bed, and I started crying, but not noisy, just tears.

It was so quiet that for a second it was like a game, and I wanted to poke my head out and see what was happening, but I still remembered Enchanter Elony crying, so I didn't. And then it wasn't quiet at all. I could hear the Templars running in their armour, and shouting about annulment, which I didn't know about then, but I know about it now, and that's when Ser Alren got up and shoved Kassia onto the ground. I didn't mean to look, but I couldn't help it. He grabbed her hair, and he whacked his sword down on her head until it split right open. I could still see her looking at me, even though her head had a big hole in the back, and was almost in half, and blood was everywhere. 

I remember I couldn't make it make sense. 'casue Ser Alren wouldn't do that, not to Kassia, and Kassia wouldn't be dead, not when she'd just been praying a couple minutes ago, and I figured any second she was going to blink, or look at me, and ask what I was doing under the bed. But she didn't move, and Enchanter Elony was screaming, and that's when I realised she was dead for good, and she wasn't going to stop pretending, and that's when I started screaming. 

Sometimes I pray to the Maker, even though I'm not so sure he's not just another lie, that I could go back, even though I never ever ever want to think about that day again, and just not scream. 'Cause Ria was being quiet, and maybe if I hadn't been under her bed they'd just have skipped her. But I screamed, and they pulled the bed off us, and one of them that was wearing a helmet grabbed her up and twisted her head around like a doll's. It made a crunch like branches breaking, and then she was looking at me too, and not moving. 

I screamed again, and ran over to my bed, and he grabbed at me and missed. Enchanter Elony was lying on the ground, with blood all over her, and Ser Alren took his sword and hit Jess in the neck with it, 'cause she was just sitting on her bed crying still. She stopped crying, like a candle getting snuffed out, and blood flew all over Ser Alren's armour, little red spots all over the white. And then Jess fell over and the blood just went into her mattress, until it squished when you touched it. I tried to turn her over and look at her, afterward, but I when I leaned on the bed, blood squished out around my hand and they made me stop.

I don't remember how my bed got on its side, or how I ended up behind it, but I curled up like a rolly-polly bug and pretended I was invisible. I had to stick my fist in my mouth to make it stop screaming, because just trying to be quiet didn't work. Only I was crying, so it was hard to breathe with my fist in my mouth, 'cause my nose was all snuffly. 

I remember thinking it might just be a bad dream, and it felt like a dream, because the demons were there, like they are in dreams. One of them was Ria, and she told me she'd come back if I'd agree to use the blood, and I wanted to so bad I can't even say. Only you don't make bargains in dreams, not even if it's a really really bad dream, so I said no. But there were more of them, and they were yelling at me so much I was sure the Templars could hear them too. One of them said it would help me kill Ser Alren, and I still kind of wish I'd said yes to that one, even though I know you're not supposed to do that, because I hate him so much it hurts. I hate him for putting my nose on upside down, and I hate him for tweaking my hair, and I hate him for killing Jess, and I hate him for making me feel sorry that he fell over. One time in a dream a demon offered to help me bring him back just so I could kill him again, and I almost said yes. But Anders wouldn't like that, and Anders is probably the only one left in Thedas who's my friend, so I said no.

There was blood everywhere, even where I was, because I'd got some on me, and it was coming in under my bed, through the floor. The screaming kind of went away bit by bit, and all you could hear was these horrible wet sounds, and I had to stick my hand further into my mouth to make myself be quiet, until it made me gag. I never threw up though. I'd never been that scared except in nightmares, and maybe not even then, 'cause I didn't used to have nightmares that bad, but I never threw up. I remember I told that to Anders, after he took me out, and he said that he guessed that was something.

Things got really quiet then, so quiet I almost wanted to lift my head up and look in case the templars were gone, but I heard one of them talking, so I didn't. Then one of them kicked my bed, and I yelped. I felt my whole body go cold all over, 'cause I still didn't know what was happening, but I knew they were going to kill me if I didn't find another way to run away, so I tried to get to the end of the bed. 

One of them grabbed my foot, and I tried to kick him in his stupid face, but it wasn't Ser Alren, it was one of the ones with his helmet on, and it just hurt my foot. Plus he was holding my ankle really hard, and I started crying again. 

I knew he was going to kill me, and I was so scared, I started to agree with one of the demons that was saying it could help. But instead of killing me his hand let go all on its own, and a minute later his head fell off. It hit me in the shoulder, and gave me a bruise, and then he fell and he was bleeding all over me. I was in the middle of almost saying yes to the demon when the blood went everywhere, and I got distracted trying to convince it that I didn't need its help anymore. When I looked up again all I saw was a sword, and I started to call the demon back, only then I noticed the person behind the sword wasn't wearing white, and also he wasn't pointing the sword at me, he was just holding it. He said something, but I couldn't understand it, because I had blood in my ears, and they were plugged up from crying, and my heartbeat was too loud.

Then the person with the sword said something else, and another voice answered him, and then someone peeked over the bed and started to reach for me. I knew he was going to grab me again, I just knew it, so I crawled away again. Then he disappeared, and the whole room was empty for a long long time. I wanted to go look around and see if anyone else was alive, but I kept thinking there might be another Templar in the room, so I curled up like a roly-poly bug again, and stayed quiet. I thought about just calling out, but then I remembered how I screamed before, and they found me, and killed Ria, so I just stayed quiet. 

I remembered Enchanter Micah saying Andraste would know if we made lights in the night, and I wondered if she knew the Templars had gone crazy and killed us all for no reason. The Templars used to say that they served Andraste, and Kassia used to say that Andraste was good, and I don't know which of them was lying, but I knew it had to be one of them. I hoped she hadn't seen it, because if she had, and she still liked the Templars that meant she was evil, and I didn't want Kassia to have been praying to an evil person all this time. 

I spent a long time there, curled up like a rolly-poly bug, trying to ignore the demons and wishing it would all just be over. 

Then when everything had been quiet for a long time, I heard noise again. I went even more still and quiet, but he knew where to find me. I flinched when he touched the bed, but he just put his hand on my back, like I think my mother used to do, when I was a baby, before I went to the circle. I looked up, and screamed, 'cause he was so bloody, and so pale under it, I thought he was one of the dead people come to life. Then I clapped my hand over my mouth, 'cause I remembered about Ria. But he didn't hurt me. He crouched down and talked to me until I remembered how to breathe again, and then he let me sit in his lap until I was done crying. 

That was Anders. He was the one who looked over the bed at me, and Hawke was the one who killed the Templar that was going to kill me. I wasn't the only one alive, but I was the oldest of the girl apprentices. Two of the little kids were okay too, and a few of the boys, and even more of the Mages 'cause they knew how to fight back.  
Hawke and Anders took me out of there, and brought me to Hawke's house. I didn't say anything, except to say that I wanted to look at Jess. I fell asleep on the floor at Hawke's house, and when I woke up Anders was sitting next to me. He stroked my hair and told me that I was okay now, that I was safe and it would get better.

Only he was a liar too, because it didn't get better. Jess is still dead, and Ria's still dead, and Enchanter Elony is still dead, and I still dream about Kassia blinking at me, and sitting up to pray at me, with a big broken hole in her head. And Ser Alren is still dead, and I didn't get to kill him. And even though him and Hawke, and everyone have tried to explain it, I still don't understand why they killed us, and no one did anything to stop them except Enchanter Elony until Hawke and his friends showed up. I don't know why the Templars said they would protect us when really they were just there to kill everybody, except the usual reason that grown-ups lie: because they can, and they can get you in trouble if you argue with them. 

And it's not better. It's not better at all.


End file.
